Inside of a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.
– Muhammad Ali
This blog has been a wasteland. I know that. See, I lost my thing. My spark. My edge. Whatever you want to call the thing that makes you … you. You can go into all the clichés such as a ship without a rudder or a metal band without a drummer, but it is what it is. And it’s devastating.
My spark was more like a blazing four-alarm fire. At times it really helped me in life and other times it got me in all kinds of trouble. It had power and it would take a hell of a big wave to put that fire out.
It was a tsunami.
Last year was the kind you pray never visits you. When times that bad hit, it’s more about surviving day-to-day than thriving. A lot falls by the wayside when you’re struggling to get through the day. Especially the things that make you who you are.
And now I’m getting those things back. Some are already back while others are hiding. My writing is not back. While I have written a lot in the past year, I haven’t published like I normally do.
Writing is one of those things that make me who I am. There are others, but writing is different because you depend on no one else. It comes from the soul and when you’re a writer – you don’t have a choice. You have to write. If you don’t get it out it will fester inside you until you explode. The weird thing is that what you write is more who you are than how you act. It’s weird. While I’m no Hemingway, I’ve been able to make a living and feed my tribe for the past couple decades in the editorial game.
The problem is that I haven’t been able to finish a decent story or post in months. I’ve cobbled a few together here and there, but not the kinds I want. If I’m doing my best work, I don’t want it out there. Most of what I’ve done are 1/2 written (84 total).
I need to get my groove back and I have a plan. I’m writing 30 posts on this blog in the next 30 days. It might like throwing a cookout with food for 200 and no one shows up, but I don’t care. I might also fail miserably, and in that case — enjoy the carnage. But let’s be honest, if I didn’t think I was going to produce good stuff I wouldn’t be doing this.
I’ve picked myself up through the past year in what people tell me is a healthy way. I could’ve gone nuts – complete with a tequila bender in Cancun during Spring Break. It crossed my mind. It would have been easier, but also cowardly and I wouldn’t have been honest with myself.
So this is one of those big steps – actually one of the most important ones for me. When you crank out writing this fast some will be short, a few long, some great, others will suck and more will be pretty good. At least that’s what I’m hoping. If I can’t do it or they all suck, then I move on and become a politician. The bar seems awfully low for that job.
So I hope you read, comment if you want (although I don’t measure much by comments), pass my posts on and witness something that will truly be unpredictable.
I’m lighting the fire. Stand back.
Tomorrow: post one.
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