(I’m bringing back footnotes — I like them and they let my mind wander a bit. Thanks for indulging me. Now back to the comedy and confusion that is my life.)
I was getting ready for a date the other day Mint had sent me two alerts:
Over budget this month on:
Hair
Clothes.
I was terrified to check my DVR assuming that the latest episode of The View would be on it complete with annoying, arguing rich women who still think the world is flat. That would be more than I could take.
I needed to cut a cord of wood or lift something heavy since growing a mustache or beard is out of the question given my ethnic make-up 3. Then it hit me, I could do the one thing that makes me feel like more of a man than anything else.
I grabbed Boy #1 off the Xbox, went outside, told him a few jokes and threw the football. He went “deep” and I let ‘er rip.
Because while we sometimes forget, being a dad is as close to manhood as you can get 4.
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More on the weirdness and complexity of dating after 40 another time ↩
Has there ever been a more horrible character on TV? ↩
It would not be pretty and would like Cliff Claven when he tried to grow a beard on Cheers. The Wolfman!! ↩
Without growing massive facial hair or storming a hill ↩
Over 40 years after they broke up the Beatles are still the undisputed heavyweight champs of music. Whatever band comes in second is so far away that it’s not worth debating. The legend grows each year.
The Beatles hold a special place in my heart. I was raised on Revolver (the greatest album ever created) and have listened to them consistently for over 30 years. They’re still all I play on Sunday mornings.
I was watching Martin Scorcese’s incredible 3 1/2 hour documentary on George Harrison when I learned an amazing fact about the Beatles (and I thought I knew them all).
When recording in 1969, George was fed up with the group, fame, where things were going and wanted out. He got pissed, quit and walked out of the session. The rest of the group talked about what to do if he didn’t come back, which was a real possibility.
John wanted to act swiftly and replace George with Eric Clapton to finish the album. Now, Clapton is a legend, but can you imagine him in the Beatles? It wouldn’t work. The Beatles were John, Paul, George and Ringo. The grew up together, evolved like no other band in history and complemented each other. Clapton and his ego would have just gotten in the way.
Long story short — George came back and The Beatles were done soon after and he went on to record some incredible music. It’s even a better story when you consider the fact that George and Eric were the best of friends, and the plot thickened when Eric stole George’s wife Pattie Boyd in one of rock’s greatest scandals (she must have been some woman since “Something” and “Layla” were both written for her). They married in 1979 and it was the clostest The Beatles ever came to reuniting when George, Paul and Ringo played at the reception.
HBO is showing the documentary so if you get a chance, watch it. If there’s a creative bone in your body, it’s incredibly inspiring.
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Loni Anderson, the one that got away (image by J. Zee).
I hit 43 this week. Not really sure how that happened because it seemed like just yesterday I was 12. What a great age 12 was — young enough to still be a kid, but old enough to start understanding the world around you. All I cared about were sports, my friends and my bike. I ruled the world. Although I did start noticing Loni Anderson on WKRP.
Sliding past middle age had me thinking about what’s ahead … and what isn’t. I haven’t really thought about what I won’t be doing in life. I’ve always dreamt big and usually gotten what I set out for, but age has a way of narrowing your options. Don’t get me wrong, I plan on accomplishing a lot more in the next 20 years than I did the previous 20 (outside of my kids), but reality is a hell of a teacher.
Here are 43 things that actually entered my mind at one time or another that I will never realistically accomplish in my life:
1. I’ll never sleep with Loni Anderson.
2. Play point guard for the Sonics.
3. Sing for Van Halen. You have to admit, my odds were looking up after the release of Van Halen 3.
I’m going to give you parenting advice from Howard Stern. Before you freak out, it needs to be said and it’s exactly what our generation needs to hear. We’ve created a world that overprotects our kids, shields them from fear and guards them from failure of any kind. Good in theory, bad in practice. Unless [...]
Craig Playstead is a freelance writer, content strategist and father of three living in the suburbs of Seattle. His articles aimed at "entertaining and helping the average guy" have been read by millions throughout the years. Click here to find out what "Shake Your Foundation" is all about.
